Then I remember walking down the hall one day - stylin' fun'n'funky - in gauchos and tubesocks, and some girls were looking at me and laughing. When I got into class I felt so embarrassed and suddenly self-conscious because they had laughed at me. So I folded the tops of my tubesocks in to hide the stripes around the tops. I never wore gauchos and tubesocks again. And here I am, nearly 30 years later, remembering them laughing at me and the embarrassment that I felt. Up until the laughs, I felt cool in my outfit, even though I know now that it was a fashion faux pas, but I was only in the 5th grade. Why did I care what those girls thought? I didn't know them, they didn't know me, they weren't in my grade. Why should they care what I was wearing, why did I care what they thought of me?
When we are kids, we're not self-conscious and we seem to be oblivious to what others think of us. At some time in your life that changes though, and it's hard to get back to a point where you don't care how other people think you look. I'd like to think that I don't care, and I don't think that I care what they think of the way that I look, I just don't like the idea that they are actually thinking about the way that I look. Does that make sense? I feel uncomfortable sometimes when I feel that someone is taking a second look at me for whatever reason. I don't care what they think, I just want them to stop thinking, because why should they think and possibly form an opinion about the way that I look? I guess I'm still looking for those girls laughing at my tubesocks. But then again, maybe no one is looking at me, I'm very paranoid too, but that's another topic.
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***Hummingbird update - I've seen 3 so far, two boys and a girl. That's how we've started out the past two Summers, and then more came later, last year. They're already fighting, I have 4 feeders out now, and I think I'll put a few more out tomorrow. I bought 4 new ones for my birthday (I know, such decandence and debauchery for my 40th birthday!) I have to get out there with my camera and catch a few snaps for the blog.